Red Riding Hood, a.k.a. Team Jacob: The Movie

What’s on now: NCIS on USA, which I never watch but figured I’d give a go.

A medieval village is plagued by a werewolf. Every full moon the villagers sacrifice the best of their livestock so the beast won’t eat the people. But the peace is broken when the monster kills a girl, and the hunt for the wolf begins.

Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, Mean Girls) and Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight, The Fifth Element) were the two most recognizable faces in the cast. Seyfried played the revamped version of Little Red Riding Hood, whose name is Valerie, apparently. Oldman was Father Solomon, a priest obsessed with ridding the world of witches and werewolves after his wife (didn’t think “Fathers” had those...) turned out to be a werewolf and he had to kill her to protect his kids.

Two unknowns (at least they were to me) served as the eye candy in this flick: Shiloh Fernandez and Max Irons. Shiloh (now there’s a name) played Peter, the boy Valerie loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with. Max (who it turns out is the son of Jeremy Irons, yay!) is the handsome rich boy who likes Valerie and is engaged to her through an arranged marriage. Ooooh, a love triangle.

Wait. Hold up. A love triangle...? Werewolves...?

Where have I heard this before?

Don’t worry, Red Riding Hood isn’t exactly a Twilight rip-off. At least I don’t think it is. I haven’t actually seen or read any Twilight products (I’m a vampire purist and therefore refuse to touch them). Thank goodness there was not a single mention of the bloodsuckers in this movie.

In all, it was okay. Some of the lines were a little corny (“I could eat you up”), and the special effects were mediocre. I mean, they were fine, I was just expecting something a little... more. The wolf is exactly that... a wolf. Albeit an extra-large, extra-fluffy wolf with homicidal tendencies. Most creature movies these days take a crack at making a werewolf look different (a la Harry Potter or Van Helsing). The wolf in this movie looked like my sister’s cat, Schemy. And no, I’m not even exaggerating. ...It's a funnier joke if you actually know Schemy.

I was expecting something more along the lines of The Village. I didn’t think we’d ever actually see the wolf, it would all just be scary flashes and innuendos to people getting ripped to shreds. Nope, they were very forthcoming with their monster, and there was no huge twist in the end. Like, they weren’t all dreaming or in purgatory or something. It was fun to keep guessing who the wolf was (it’s established fairly early that it is one of the villagers). I was right! Mwahaha! But it wasn’t obvious, and I second-guessed myself quite a few times before the credits rolled.

I did like the score quite a bit. I’m a fan of movies set in past time periods that are set to more modern music (driving drum beats, electric guitar and the like). The part of the film when this is most noticeable is during a festival the villagers have after they think they’ve killed the wolf (turns out they’re just dumb). I thought they were playing Flyleaf for a second. I love that music, so I thought it was cool, but they were riding the line on that one a little.

I loved Amanda’s dress, though. It was a fairly simple light-blue costume, the kind of thing you would expect to see in a medieval-esque costume. The big red cloak she wore was neat too. It made me wish I could get something just like it and pull it off. Somehow I don’t think that would be acceptable at work, though. Unless I get that job at the Renaissance Fair.

I suppose the biggest turnoff for me would actually be something that the poor movie probably didn’t even have control of, and that is the unshakeable feeling that this movie was made just to cash in on the necrophilia/bestiality craze that has swept the globe. Max and Shiloh even kind of look like Edward and Jacob. Max has that more delicate, pale handsomeness (thank GOD the boy didn’t glitter). Shiloh is darker featured, more devilishly charming. He’s also the new version of the woodsman, by the way, which I thought was a pretty cool way to do it. Who doesn’t like sexy young lumberjacks?

Red Riding Hood was all right. I saw it with my sister and we both liked it. Will I buy it? Probably not. Definitely put it on your list of rentals at least. Should you go see it in theatres? Sure. It could be a fun date movie, for any guys or girls out there who want an excuse to be jittery and grab a special someone’s hand when the wolf jumps out. And the ending is actually kind of romantic. My sister thought it was sweet. I laughed.

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons

Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke

Rated PG-13

2011

Forever Strong: Mud, blood and rugby. What else could you want?

What’s on now: Vanity Fair starring Reese Witherspoon. Now streaming on Netflix, but only available until March 15, so if it’s on your list, get on that!

I had never even heard of Forever Strong before. It popped up on my recommendations on Netflix, probably because I’d given four and five stars to just about any sports movie I’d ever seen before. What can I say? I’m an athlete. It doesn’t matter what sport it’s about or how similar they all tend to be, sports movies are my lifeblood.

Two words: Loved it. I didn’t even care that it was completely predictable. Starring Sean Faris, a tall dark and very handsome fellow who I had never even heard of, who plays your typical troubled teen who takes his anger out on opponents on the rugby pitch. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Forever Strong is about rugby. If that doesn’t immediately send all you Invictus fans scrambling for your own copy, I don’t know what will. It’s streaming on Netflix now, go to it! I actually liked Forever Strong more than Invictus. Certainly not a better movie in general, but there was more emphasis on the sport than on the political history of the time period.

Anyway, Faris plays Rick, the troubled teen I told you about. He’s sent to juvenile hall after almost killing his girlfriend in a drunken driving accident. At the facility he’s angry and grappling with his daddy issues (Neal McDonough plays his dad and rugby coach), trying to be reached by a kind social worker-type man played by Sean Astin of Rudy and Lord of the Rings recognition. Rick is sent to another rugby team, unconventionally coached by Larry Gelwix (Gary Cole), to try to work out his frustrations on the pitch and learn real teamwork and inner strength. Forever Strong also stars Nathan West (Miracle) as Rick’s new teammate, who takes a while to warm up to him, and Lobster Todd from Easy A (Penn Badgley) as Rick’s old teammate and best friend, who resents him for trying to clean up his act.

As is to be expected in a good sports flick, the climax is at the end when the two teams face off for the U.S. national high school championship. I didn’t even know that existed, but apparently the film is actually based on true events. Who wins the game? Not telling. But it’s worth the watch to find out. The warrior chant the players do before the game made me want to run outside and start tackling other people on a muddy field. Thank goodness I had a good hold on my sense. It’s the kind of thing that will definitely get your blood pumping.

In all, Forever Strong will certainly be on my shopping list for when I need a mindless adrenaline rush or a pump-up movie before a competition. And as an extra bonus, Sean Faris surprised me into a new crush. What can I say? I’m a sucker for abs.

Starring: Sean Faris, Gary Cole, Neal McDonough, Sean Astin, Penn Badgley
Directed by: Ryan Little
Rated PG-13
2008

And for extra funsies, here's that warrior chant done by the cast of Forever Strong.