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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Red Riding Hood, a.k.a. Team Jacob: The Movie

What’s on now: NCIS on USA, which I never watch but figured I’d give a go.

A medieval village is plagued by a werewolf. Every full moon the villagers sacrifice the best of their livestock so the beast won’t eat the people. But the peace is broken when the monster kills a girl, and the hunt for the wolf begins.

Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, Mean Girls) and Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight, The Fifth Element) were the two most recognizable faces in the cast. Seyfried played the revamped version of Little Red Riding Hood, whose name is Valerie, apparently. Oldman was Father Solomon, a priest obsessed with ridding the world of witches and werewolves after his wife (didn’t think “Fathers” had those...) turned out to be a werewolf and he had to kill her to protect his kids.

Two unknowns (at least they were to me) served as the eye candy in this flick: Shiloh Fernandez and Max Irons. Shiloh (now there’s a name) played Peter, the boy Valerie loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with. Max (who it turns out is the son of Jeremy Irons, yay!) is the handsome rich boy who likes Valerie and is engaged to her through an arranged marriage. Ooooh, a love triangle.

Wait. Hold up. A love triangle...? Werewolves...?

Where have I heard this before?

Don’t worry, Red Riding Hood isn’t exactly a Twilight rip-off. At least I don’t think it is. I haven’t actually seen or read any Twilight products (I’m a vampire purist and therefore refuse to touch them). Thank goodness there was not a single mention of the bloodsuckers in this movie.

In all, it was okay. Some of the lines were a little corny (“I could eat you up”), and the special effects were mediocre. I mean, they were fine, I was just expecting something a little... more. The wolf is exactly that... a wolf. Albeit an extra-large, extra-fluffy wolf with homicidal tendencies. Most creature movies these days take a crack at making a werewolf look different (a la Harry Potter or Van Helsing). The wolf in this movie looked like my sister’s cat, Schemy. And no, I’m not even exaggerating. ...It's a funnier joke if you actually know Schemy.

I was expecting something more along the lines of The Village. I didn’t think we’d ever actually see the wolf, it would all just be scary flashes and innuendos to people getting ripped to shreds. Nope, they were very forthcoming with their monster, and there was no huge twist in the end. Like, they weren’t all dreaming or in purgatory or something. It was fun to keep guessing who the wolf was (it’s established fairly early that it is one of the villagers). I was right! Mwahaha! But it wasn’t obvious, and I second-guessed myself quite a few times before the credits rolled.

I did like the score quite a bit. I’m a fan of movies set in past time periods that are set to more modern music (driving drum beats, electric guitar and the like). The part of the film when this is most noticeable is during a festival the villagers have after they think they’ve killed the wolf (turns out they’re just dumb). I thought they were playing Flyleaf for a second. I love that music, so I thought it was cool, but they were riding the line on that one a little.

I loved Amanda’s dress, though. It was a fairly simple light-blue costume, the kind of thing you would expect to see in a medieval-esque costume. The big red cloak she wore was neat too. It made me wish I could get something just like it and pull it off. Somehow I don’t think that would be acceptable at work, though. Unless I get that job at the Renaissance Fair.

I suppose the biggest turnoff for me would actually be something that the poor movie probably didn’t even have control of, and that is the unshakeable feeling that this movie was made just to cash in on the necrophilia/bestiality craze that has swept the globe. Max and Shiloh even kind of look like Edward and Jacob. Max has that more delicate, pale handsomeness (thank GOD the boy didn’t glitter). Shiloh is darker featured, more devilishly charming. He’s also the new version of the woodsman, by the way, which I thought was a pretty cool way to do it. Who doesn’t like sexy young lumberjacks?

Red Riding Hood was all right. I saw it with my sister and we both liked it. Will I buy it? Probably not. Definitely put it on your list of rentals at least. Should you go see it in theatres? Sure. It could be a fun date movie, for any guys or girls out there who want an excuse to be jittery and grab a special someone’s hand when the wolf jumps out. And the ending is actually kind of romantic. My sister thought it was sweet. I laughed.


Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Rated PG-13
2011

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