Snow White gets a makeover... Three of them.

 What’s on now: In the middle of P.S. I Love You. In desperate need of some dark chocolate right now.

 In other news: 2012 Oscar Nominations are out! I haven’t seen all the nominated movies yet, but I’m rooting for War Horse for Best Picture, Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) for Best Actor and MerylStreep (The Iron Lady) for Best Actress.

 Today’s fun fact: Ashley Judd and Sandra Bullock were also considered for the leading female role of Maggie Fitzgerald in Million Dollar Baby, ultimately played by Hilary Swank.

I like to think that at the exact same moment last year, three different people in three different brainstorming sessions in three different cities put up their hands and said, “Why don’t we revamp Snow White and the Seven Dwarves?”

That’s the only explanation I can think of as to why we’re suddenly faced with three very different reboots of the classic fairy tale: ABC’s new show Once Upon a Time, and two film versions in Mirror Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman.

I saw the season premiere of Once Upon a Time and thought it was just all right. But now my friends are telling me it’s only gotten better and I should catch up. I probably will at some point. Mostly I’m interested to see if it lasts longer than one season. It didn’t strike me as the sort of storyline that could be healthily stretched out for more than a year or two.

The show stars Jennifer Morrison (House), Josh Dallas (Thor) and Ginnifer Goodwin (He’s Just Not That Into You), who plays a new version of Snow White. Once Upon a Time follows the story of an entire magical kingdom, the denizens of which are characters from classic fairy tales. They’ve been trapped in a terrible place (the real world) and don’t remember their beautiful kingdom or who they really are, because Snow White and her prince pissed off the evil queen, who apparently managed to survive this time round, even though she has been brutally slaughtered in various creative ways in every other version of Snow White ever.

Side note: My personal favorite is in the appropriately labeled Grimm version, in which she was forced to wear a pair of heated iron shoes and then dance until she dropped dead. Wow. Have I ever mentioned that pretty much every fairy tale beloved by children around the world is exceedingly effed up? ‘Cause they are.

Back on track, the show follows these characters as they struggle with their issues and a way to reverse the curse is sought. Once Upon a Time airs on ABC on Sunday at 8/7c.

The next two aren’t out yet. The first one, set to open March 16, is Mirror Mirror, starring Julia Roberts (Eat Pray Love) as the Evil Queen, Lily Collins (The Blind Side) as Snow White, Armie Hammer (The SocialNetwork) as the Prince and Nathan Lane (The Producers) as… someone else. He seems to be some kind of personal assistant to the queen. No huntsman in this one.

Definitely the more family-friendly of the two films. It’s lighter, meant to be funnier (though that remains to be seen) and something tells me this Evil Queen will evade the burning-iron-shoe-death-dance of her predecessors. Jail for life? Or a change of heart, perhaps? Who knows.

All I know is there is literally going to have NOTHING else out in March for this to be my movie of the month. Actually, not even that. I’ll save this for the Netflix queue (possibly soon to be my Blockbuster queue... but more on that later), but if this is my best option for a March movie, I’ll skip it and go see two movies in April or May.

It doesn’t look completely awful. But it does look like a kids’ movie, and probably not the kind that’s rife with adult innuendos and therefore readily enjoyable by a more mature audience. Unless you have kids and go with them. That makes everything better.

And last but not least, to be released on June 1, is Snow White and the Huntsman. To get an accurate feeling of my feelings about this up-and-comer, allow me to share my thought process as I saw the trailer for the first time.

What movie is this? ... Looks creepy… ooh, a battle! … Snow White and the Huntsman? … interesting… OMG Charlize Theron as the Evil Queen, that’s pretty neat… Damn, she seems like kind of a badass… I wonder who’s playing Snow White… Apparently the magic mirror is a dude draped in a gold sheet… Whatevs, I can roll with it… Oooh, that must be Snow White! … Wait, is that? … No… Kristen Stewart? … No, it can’t be Kristen Stewart… It is?? What?? NOOOOOOO!!!!

As you may be able to gather, I’m not a Kristen Stewart (Twilight) fan. I’ve never seen Twilight and I don’t care to, mostly because I find Stewart to be dull and annoying. And dull. Quick, be happy! ::blank face:: Quick, be mad! ::blank face:: Quick, be sad! ::blank face:: Not to mention all that crap about her being nasty about not wanting to be famous or some bullshit. If any kind of celebrity ever wants me to immediately lose me as a potential fan forever, all he or she has to do is complain about being rich and famous ONCE.

Imagine my delight when 15 seconds later in the trailer, Chris Hemsworth (Thor) shows up wielding twin axes and looking exceedingly rugged. Instead of a giant hammer this time round, he’s got giant axes! Yay! And apparently he’s sport some sort of British Isles burr accent. Double yay! And then I remembered Kristen Stewart’s in it, too. Kristen. F***ing. Stewart. GAAAARRRGH.

But I’m forcing myself to look at the good bits. CharlizeTheron (Hancock) is fabulous, and she looks great in the role. Hemsworth is a treat and a half. And there’s a shot proving they will be using the whole poisoned apple incident in this version, so at some point Kristen Stewart will be dead. And it will probably be the most poignant performance of her “career.” Honestly, I don’t see how she was the better choice over, say, Emma Stone or Kat Dennings.

Okay, I’ll leave off with the K.S.-bashing for now. The movie looks good. It looks like an edgy, epic revamp of a good story, with some of the good bits getting a little better. And no musical numbers. And Chris Hemsworth. For the love of Thor, K.S. better not screw this up for me, especially since at this point it will be my June movie. I have yet to be disappointed by a movie of the month, and I don’t want to start now.

Why Snow White is suddenly getting the triple-makeover, I don’t know. Maybe three groups of people decided to see who could do it best. All three certainly look different. There’s a Snow White remake for everybody: the TV watchers, who like their stories long-running and constantly developing; families and kids who prefer things light-hearted and Disney-y; and those who are dew-eyed optimists desperately hoping that the angsty vampire-hugger doesn’t ruin the first potentially good movie she’s been cast in.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Morrison, Lana Parrilla, Josh Dallas

Created by: Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis

Unrated

2011

Starring: Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Nathan Lane, Armie Hammer

Written by: The Grimm Brothers, Melissa Wallack and Jason Keller

Directed by: Tarsam Singh

NYR

2012

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart

Written by: Hossein Amini, Evan Spiliotopoulos and Evan Daugherty

Directed by: Rupert Sanders

NYR

2012